Robert Trout (00:03.153)
Hello and welcome to the Parenting Problems Today podcast. Today it is myself, Robert Trout, joined with Paul Arradondo and Mary Zaunbrecher from the parent Trainers community. We are here today to continue a conversation from the last episode that you might’ve caught on the podcast that is all about the beginning conversation around gaming. And when it comes to tweens, teens, and young adults and gaming.
culture and kind of the process that we see families go through. We’re going through the primary points of kind of what to think about and understand as parents and kind of how to look at is this a problem? What should we be doing to kind of help guide this process long term?
So if you missed the last episode as a quick kind of rundown, we’re going through the 10 primary categories that parents kind of run into and bring up in conversation. The first five that we went over in the first episode is time management, looking at game content and the age appropriateness of games for the kids and kind of the impact that has.
We also looked at social interactions around multiplayer games, cyber bullying, and that kind of process for parents to consider as far as the engagement with the kid and the gaming. Then we looked at the physical and mental health aspects of it and finished off by talking about balance and moderation for healthy gaming habits and lifestyle and impact on the family. So if you’re joining us today,
Today, we’re gonna go through the final five stages of what parents bring up when we look at gaming. So this is part two of the gaming conversation for a general discussion on what comes up for families all across the board. As we begin today’s, I’m gonna say category that kicks us off is a huge one because it’s something that parents really, really struggle with, at least for me.
Robert Trout (02:11.461)
because of the generational gap and kind of philosophies and I’ll be honest the age difference between the child and the adult in the scenario. But we’re going to kick it off by talking about parental involvement with the games. And this is not about boundaries and structure and that kind of work. This is literally the parent playing the games.
with the kids and creating language and communication strategies and process for working with their tween, teen, or young adult by literally saying, I might not like it. This might not be my thing. I might suck at this compared to the skill level of my kid. But my God, is it important for parents to step in and build relationship with their kids? I mean, I’m going to kick that off by
by saying that this is something that I try to drive home with every family, that engagement with the kids in some of the gaming styles and process is one of the biggest aspects of joining in with relationship with the kid themselves. So kicking that off, what comes up, Paul and Mary, when we start looking at, all right, Dad, sit down and play this game? What comes up?
Paul (03:34.491)
I mean, from the beginning, especially if the parent feels like they’re at the beginning of this process, I would say a first step is just to go and sit down and be silent and watch, right? Because the kid, you just barging in and saying, I want to play with you or show me what this is about. Like just co-regulate, which is a term that we use often in parent trainers is just spend time and space with them where they can feel you relaxing and observing them and being a part of what they’re doing. So,
Mary (03:44.841)
I
Paul (04:03.228)
co-regulate first and then say, can I try, know, can I get into this after maybe asking some questions and putting your finger up towards the screen and going, well, what does that do? What is this? And what’s the goal? know, without having it feel like you’re just bombarding them, but kind of in slow time, create space for this to allow your curiosity to land without it feeling like you’re badgering them and like, you know, interrogating them about why do you like this? Because I don’t like it. You know, it’s this thing of
showing up and really aligning with them. Not to the degree that you support gaming and all of its different intricacies, but creating the space for them to see you showing some interest because that’s rapport. And that can actually support helping them transition away from the game because when you step into having that initial communication, especially when you’re trying to redirect them to something like dinner,
or you’re trying to create space for them to have this understanding like, transition’s coming soon, the engagement can begin with, hey, are you still level 47? What, 52? Man, you’re doing really good. Aligning with them, co-regulating them, being like, five minutes dinner. And that type of engagement actually is so much more simple than creating this sort of tension, locked horns.
experience that is often the case in family systems.
Mary (05:35.783)
Yeah, it really drops the defense wall is what you’re saying Paul, right? Like, and I’ve seen it work with so many families where, you know, being able to use their knowledge of a game to not just join with their child, but to also show them that I care about what you’re doing, even if I don’t understand it. I care that you like this thing, right?
Paul (05:40.242)
Mm-hmm. Certainly.
Mary (06:05.383)
And so I was working with a family at one point. The mom was just so, you know, it was just like, the phone, the games, like it’s just another thing that we have to deal with and it feels so hard. And so the mom had kind of built up all of this story and just feelings around the phone and this game that her child was playing. And I said, well, what if you joined in with your child? What if you asked questions about what the game was like?
You know, this child was like fiercely grabbing for independence at a very young age. and I said, try that this week. Let’s see what happens. Right. And the mom actually came back the next week and said, just by asking about this stupid game that I don’t care about, that I will never learn to play. Right. My child has been so much more open with me this week through that, like, yeah, that process of just, Hey, I care because you care.
Robert Trout (06:36.059)
This is how…
Mary (07:04.149)
I want to be a part of your world, right? And it was just really special, I think, in opening up more dialogue in the future and springboarded their relationship.
Robert Trout (07:18.917)
Yeah, and it’s one of those things that we touched on in the first episode of this, but building relationship, especially with the tweens and teens, is all about recognizing that what’s important to them, they want to share, they want to engage with the people around them. And so many parents miss the opportunity of, hey, that could be me. I could be one of those people engaging in what matters to them.
And so often, I mean, just for me, the number one thing I hear is a parent say, this is so stupid. Why would I waste my time doing this? And I literally have to step into the metaphor of saying, if you have engagement and shared experience, you get to teach with all the language from that. You get to create metaphors. And yeah, they’re not on the football field. They’re in Madden.
Mary (08:06.025)
No.
Robert Trout (08:11.591)
Right? They’re in whatever Xbox game or whatever it might be, computer game that this kid is playing, the language is there, not just for engagement and developing relationship, but also for the shared experience of how I teach so that it makes an impact and they hear it and understand what I’m trying to teach them. You literally have to recognize that they’re
Paul (08:21.784)
Hmm.
Robert Trout (08:37.733)
world includes this other world that’s outside of what you think of as reality.
I think the last step that comes up for me in this around engagement is the missed opportunity very often for families that are in a split or co-parenting situation where the parents are separate, but the kids playing this game at both houses. Okay. So let’s say it’s 50-50 custody and it’s week on, week off, something like that. Very often I actually have to hand it to the parent and say, you could connect with this kid by playing not next to them.
Paul (08:56.44)
Ha ha.
Robert Trout (09:14.917)
but with them online where they see your avatar and you’re talking to them, et cetera. And then just the facilitated process of like, yeah, you know, we saw each other during this time that we were actually separate, even though it was the avatar to the kid, there’s still that connection. You took the time to keep that connection going. So just kind of a final thought on that, unless that brings up something for you too, anything on that?
Paul (09:36.569)
you
Paul (09:42.818)
Yeah, definitely. you know, oftentimes when we engage parents in this conversation, sometimes we hear, well, I don’t have the time. Right. And so it’s not what we’re suggesting is don’t carve out hours of your day or even an hour of your day. Carve out 10 minutes. Really, like just that’s enough time to attune to what your child’s going through. Maybe get your hands on a control controller and fumble around for a little bit. But creating the space to
feel the connection of what they’re experiencing, right? And join in with them in a way that helps them understand that you’re curious and that you’re grateful that they’re experiencing something that brings them joy, right? And there’s also, again, these deeper conversations like we talked about in the first episode of boundaries and structure and expectations, but without you joining in, those things are gonna feel like a battlefield.
So this aspect of connection and understanding is so foundational.
Robert Trout (10:49.243)
All right, well, let’s move into the next category that comes up a lot, which is all about the reality that gaming is built around money. Okay, so every game that’s there is about being monetized by the company that developed it. And this creates issues where gaming becomes the topic of conversation, I think, because the kid is in a position where they’re buying these games sometimes without the parent’s knowledge.
the number of times that the family has, my God, he spent $600 on my credit card on this game buying advantages or up packs or whatever it might be. And I just have to be like cognitively in that conversation to say setting boundaries around money and the parental guidelines within the system. Most games, not all, but most do have the like.
You you have to put in the secret code or password to buy this or et cetera. So I’m going to start this off just by saying like step one is realize that games are built around money and that it’s the parent responsibility to build in the parental walls on whatever the game is just committed. So even if you’re like, I want to stay the heck away from all of this, you at least need to learn enough to set it up so that you’re protected.
because it usually, not always, but usually is there, you know, the parent’s credit card that has the account on it or whatever it might be. So just understanding like how to protect yourself is to me lesson number one when it comes.
Mary (12:29.821)
Something.
Robert Trout (12:29.862)
Anything to that?
Paul (12:29.99)
Yeah, I would say that, I mean, oftentimes, I’ll go ahead, Mary.
Mary (12:34.697)
Well, something else that comes up in this topic is just this idea of the kids always wanting the next game or the next level of the game or the new Xbox or things like that. And it actually becomes a great jumping off point for freedom, responsibility, and maybe the chore and payment for the chore.
allowing the kids some of that responsibility with getting an allowance and then using that money to actually buy into those things. And so it’s a greater conversation about, there are exciting things that we all want in our lives, and sometimes we’ve got to save up for them. And so we’re kind of building in that skill of teaching the child from that perspective as well. I know for a lot of parents,
that I work with, that’s kind one of the main things we look at in terms of how do you inspire your child’s involvement in the home process and then what do they get to do with that money, right? And so yeah, that’s usually a topic that comes up in conjunction with this, yes, piece around being careful.
Paul (13:54.88)
Yeah, and we often find that the families that seek us out are already deep in it, right? They’ve already had their credit cards stolen by their child. They are already $600, $1,000 deep in a process where they’re just baffled by getting caught in the crosshairs of their child’s desire to advance in this game. And as we talked about in the first video, have some status by getting the thing and the upgrade and the pack and the this and that.
and being able to sit down and have that conversation will first for any parent necessitate having some objectivity, right? Creating the space for them to be self-reflective about how important this is for their child. Jumping right to stripping the game away, probably not gonna be the thing that allows you to have the clear conversation about what healthy behavior looks like. But you can.
Mary (14:32.649)
Thank
Paul (14:52.307)
step in and say, hey, we need to roll it back a little bit. And as you said, Rob, put in the parental guidelines and kind of bumpers around what’s accessible and then ultimately give them an opportunity to maintain access to that game by showing up in other ways, right? Like you were saying, Mary, whether it’s chores around the house or participating in prepping for dinner or creating an opportunity for them to make it up in some other way.
Maybe it’s getting a job and paying you back or doing some other activity that feels like it creates more balance and understanding about accountability and responsibility. So this can be a touchy subject for a lot of families who’ve already, you know, had a lot of stressors show up. you know, again, it’s something to try and step back with your parent, your co-parent and other co-caregivers.
And again, understand we don’t need to destroy the Xbox in order for the lesson to be learned. You know, we don’t need to tear it away from them or hide all the controllers. is really about creating an understanding of how do we moderate this? Where’s the lesson? What’s the teachable moment? What’s the language that they’re going to be capable of hearing to help them understand what is healthy behavior and recognizing that
Robert Trout (15:55.473)
Right.
Paul (16:17.559)
You know, that impulsivity that it often is, is something that can be wrangled in this way of understanding, these are our values and ethics as a family system, as a culture. You know, we don’t just take money and throw it at things. We have to have a conversation. And so these inspire bigger conversations that really support other aspects of how you all function together as well.
Robert Trout (16:43.825)
Yep. And to that point, that’s a great segue into the next category, which for me always comes up in the sense of parents that are looking for educational strategies for their kids. The truth is for these younger generations, so especially the tweens, but also the teenagers, there’s so many gaining resources now for parents to consider that teach life skills.
Mary (16:56.201)
.
Robert Trout (17:08.815)
math, budgeting, all of these things that are built in the gaming systems. And it’s something that parents really do need to consider. That involves the parent doing the research. And I even know public schools now that hand out lists of like these games would really help us in the classroom with these school testing and helping your kid catch up for reading or whatever it might be.
There’s such a world now for recognizing the value of they’re gonna do it anyway. So to both of your points about education, but also Mary, the, you have to do your chores. It’s like, well, you have to play this game for 30 minutes to play that game for 30 minutes, right? And do it with them or whatever it might be as we’re talking about engagement even, but recognizing that video games are, are, they just are.
a part of their general everyday life now. And people, educators, are stepping into that world to develop strategies for kids to learn from the game so that it’s fun and learning. And they step away and go, I can go to the store and buy this and know exactly, you know, my budget is this because I do that in that world. And that directly translates to this world, things like that.
Thoughts on that, that you’re seeing?
Paul (18:42.15)
I was giving space for Mary. The long pause. Yeah, so I mean, I completely agree. There’s so many more advances happening right now. I mean, currently there’s so much to explore. And I mean, there’s still research actually coming out about the impact of gaming and the advantages of gaming. Right. So it’s worth diving into and educating yourself because this is not just going to stop with their generation. It’s just it’s forever here.
Mary (18:43.635)
Yeah, always say it. Yeah.
Mary (19:12.147)
Yeah.
Paul (19:12.261)
Right? We’re going to have to develop these strategies, not only for your kids, but for your kids’ You know? So we’re really taking the steps to, you know, really understand what it means to show up for them while they’re navigating something that we didn’t really have to. Right? So educating yourself is really important.
Mary (19:18.579)
Yeah.
Mary (19:32.507)
Absolutely. Well, I have another story. If you guys are open to that and how someone I spoke with yesterday actually used gaming and the lens, Oculus lens to actually support her child in being able to visit these crowded spaces to prepare for something that she wanted to do with her. Right. And so like there’s all of these resources now.
Robert Trout (19:38.491)
Yeah, go for it.
Mary (20:01.661)
that if you really wrap your mind around it, right, this kid has trouble being overwhelmed in large crowds and they use a video game to simulate that to help her. So I’ve seen some really, really cool ways that parents have, yeah, use this to their advantage as well.
Robert Trout (20:20.731)
Yep, that’s amazing. Yeah. And we see so many stories of it. They’re not a sponsor, but I’ll throw out a plug for an organization that uses kind of the development strategies for this. It’s Girls Who Code. They’re one of my favorites, just as far as the engagement of the parent saying, this is a party world. So if you’re going to play games, that’s great, but learn to make your own game.
Mary (20:48.194)
huh.
Robert Trout (20:48.459)
And it steps into this like understanding the digital world that they’re stepping into. There’s so many different factors and opportunities for kids that get a leg up and understanding what their world is going to be when they do move towards later teenage life and young adulthood and even going to college and or not going to college. You know, let’s put that out there as well where they developed a skill set that
Higher education may not be the path to them building their own company or Strategy or whatever it might be I mean heck I know so many teenagers who they don’t Go to college because they learn to develop apps Which is a huge business now and if you just know what you’re doing You can literally just step into a career that sets them up really well So for any parent listening to this I throw out there the caveat to this that when we’re talking about learning and skills development and gaming
games play a role, not just in the games, but in the learning how that world is developed because it is big business. mean, we’re talking about a multi-billion dollar industry that really is an integrated part of how we live today. So something for parents to consider. All right, well, let’s talk about the final two kind of big categories that come up here. For me, it kind of rounds out these top 10.
Mary (21:50.921)
Thank
Robert Trout (22:13.211)
by talking about first online safety and nine and 10 kind of bleed into each other. Online safety, privacy, parental controls, all that. And then number 10 that we’ll move into to close this conversation out is gonna be about the awareness of when it’s becoming a gaming addiction versus lifestyle, right? So I’ll just throw both out now, but let’s start with online safety and kind of what comes up for that.
and I’ll pass it to you two. What comes up immediately for you when parents are concerned about online safety?
Mary (22:49.245)
For me, it’s, yeah, thinking about.
Paul (22:50.225)
I think it was something that we mentioned in the…
Mary (22:54.153)
I got a ball.
Robert Trout (22:55.163)
Hahaha!
Paul (22:57.257)
Well, mean, we spoke to this. Yeah, know that there’s like a little bit of a delay. Yeah, so the first thing that comes up for me is something that we touched on in the in our previous episode on gaming, which is that recognition that we often need to understand the community that it actually is involving. We need to engage. We need to create some
Mary (22:57.681)
I must be having internet delays today.
Paul (23:27.465)
clarity around what is appropriate. And so being able to just initiate a conversation. How do we create social awareness when we’re talking about just the broad swath of social media, let alone direct contact through social games where you’re wearing a headset and you’re having regular communication and conversation. So it’s a much more rich environment than say TikTok.
or even Snapchat because there is direct immediate feedback happening back and forth. So how safe is that environment? What sort of conversations and content are being exchanged? And, you know, of course we’ve talked about again in the first episode of this topic is, you know, do you share private information and you probably shouldn’t, you know? So recognizing that…
Mary (24:18.537)
you
Paul (24:23.709)
there are so many ways that people can take advantage of others when they have private information these days. So just having some basic guidelines and some non-negotiables with your child about what you share and what you don’t share and really clarifying that and not in a way of it sounding like everybody’s out to get them, but in just like the understanding of self-care.
as you’re moving through these spaces where you’re not sure who’s actually on the other side.
Mary (24:59.517)
Yeah, and for me it brings up this idea of like kind of teaching around trust, right? And like what building trust with someone looks like before we just kind of share information and those pieces I know for the younger kids that I’ve worked with. And again, like what just keeps coming up for me is this foundation of relationship, right? Because if you’re an authoritative parent telling them what to do and what not to do, the kids is gonna, you know, maybe kind of roll their eyes and shrug it off.
but rather like if you have this ability to look at, care about this game, I’m in this with you, let’s talk about it, let me meet these people, can I put on the headset and talk to them as well, can I be a part of this? If you develop that relationship, that’s the foundation for where these conversations come from, of here’s what we’re not gonna do, you, maybe if something comes up and you’re not sure about it, I’m always around to talk, right?
you know, about what we can do or what’s available other than sharing private information.
Paul (26:10.182)
Yeah, and when we’re talking about teens especially, they want to have their individuation and their privacy, right? So normalizing this conversation, recognizing that this is just part of how you all communicate, you know, as a way of just checking in with one another. You know, how are you feeling about your online community? What’s it like to be in it? Do you feel like you’re respected? Do you feel like you’re valued? Do you feel like you are feeling uplifted after the fact?
Robert Trout (26:33.127)
you
Paul (26:38.171)
Or do you feel shamed? Or do you feel like you’re getting judged in a way that doesn’t feel healthy for you to continue to tolerate? So being able to be curious in those ways and again, normalize that sort of dialogue is something that, especially as they’re going into teens and young adulthood, it’s not about lecturing them anymore at that point. It’s not about trying to teach them. It’s about just staying connected to them in their process.
Robert Trout (27:07.335)
about the relationship. So that being said, I have a practical suggestion for families that are especially the tweens or younger teenagers. I really love the game, Is This Real? that parents have started to play. I actually think I’m stealing that from TikTok or somewhere that I saw it and was like, done, I’m gonna start that immediately. But it’s just really, I mean, it’s just a…
Paul (27:09.254)
Exactly.
Robert Trout (27:35.025)
practical thing where like each person each day gets to pick something from the internet and then the family has to vote. Is it real or is it not real online? Just to illustrate the important lesson that a lot of things online are not real. That includes like someone talking like, I’m a 14 year old girl from Minnesota. It’s like, actually they’re not, that’s not who they really are. So just teaching
how to understand that just because someone says something or the internet says something, it’s not necessarily real. Like there is a practical life skill to develop for these younger generations around finding out what’s factual and what’s not factual, just so that they learn that as a life skill. It’s super important to most families that understand that they need that discernment.
as they’re out in that world and this world. They’re learning both.
Mary (28:38.897)
Absolutely.
Robert Trout (28:42.331)
Alright, well, let’s close this conversation out. As we get into number 10, like I said, it’s the awareness of gaming addiction. Because so many families are like, he won’t get off of that thing. Like, that’s our problem. We just need to get him off. It’s like, okay, hold on, hold on. Before we start throwing like, he’s addicted to gaming. Like, let’s look at some of the practical functional ideas of what that means and whether or not it’s true.
or if this individual falls into a different category. So for example, I know lots of kids who are neuro-non-typical or on the autism spectrum, et cetera, that I wouldn’t actually say that they’re addicted to gaming. I would say that they’re finding solace, connection, feeling really good about themselves. Like there’s so many things that feed into this. Like over here in this world playing this game, I’m a champion.
people like me, I can talk to others or accomplish goals or tasks or whatever it might be. So that’s the first thing that comes up for me for families where it’s like, this might not be addiction. This might be just a functional element or coping skill or coping environment. As I’ve mentioned it to parents before, this coping environment allows them to accomplish their internal emotional needs or express internal emotions
in a way that’s not disrupting to you as parents even. There’s an understanding neurologically of what this person is stepping into. Well, that’s what comes up for me first as we kind of break down the addiction conversation is can this person fall into a category other than that? Let’s look at the other options first is where I usually start the conversation.
Where do you two start the conversation?
Paul (30:40.784)
Yeah, I think I’d echo a bit of the sentiment of it’s a system belonging, right? It’s community, right? And sometimes they’re more vulnerable because they don’t have to make eye contact, because they’re in a contrived environment and, you know, they’re speaking into a microphone while doing a task of like, I don’t know, storming a castle or what have you, but creating that opportunity for them to actually again, feel connection.
And it might not be the connection that we grew up with or the quality that we would hope for them in terms of eye contact, being able to shake somebody’s hand or give somebody a hug or at the very least laugh together and see each other’s joy expression. But it is still connection, right? I mean, this is a generation that had to deal with COVID, right? And so they have had a man, a whirlwind of…
Mary (31:25.651)
you
Paul (31:36.176)
trying to figure out what a social connection feel like. How do they manage that when the world’s telling them that they are not allowed to see one another? And so we’re still trying to wrap our heads around how these kids are seeing not just social connection, but how they get those needs met. So when it comes to addiction, we need to take a step back and offer some of these kids some grace when we’re really thinking about
What are they receiving from this?
Mary (32:10.854)
That’s the biggest one for me as well with families that I’m working with in terms of like the quality of what is happening when they sit in front of that screen, right? And really being intentional about having that conversation rather than just jumping to the conclusion that this is a problem, right? And what we know is things kind of the defining factor of an addiction is that it gets in the way of life.
And for some of these kids, it’s actually really facilitating an ability to be in the world in a way that feels comfortable to them and they can build on that success.
Robert Trout (32:53.061)
Yeah, I would say that one of the biggest conversations is always around the kid might not be, you know, pushing back against reality. There might be other kind of things there where it’s like, okay, if they’re on the game and you try to take the game from them and you start to see that emotional dependency. So we see a reaction far beyond the
I’m gonna say normalized awareness of what they need to go do, their responsibilities in their life. So we see a reaction to there’s just zero care about getting those done. And we can kind of rule out a generalized like anxiety or PTSD and things like that. Now we’re getting into, okay, they have formed an emotional connection with this game.
Mary (33:41.789)
that.
Robert Trout (33:48.007)
And I say game because that’s also a determining factor for me with online addiction is very often it is limited to one or two games. They’re no longer gaming in the sense of like variety and different teams and multiplayer environments, et cetera. Very often I’m seeing them isolate in the real world, simultaneously isolating in the digital world.
Mary (34:11.465)
Yes.
Robert Trout (34:16.027)
where you can only find them in one place. Those are some pretty strong determining factors for me when we’re determining is this gaming addiction that they’re facing. Comments on that or rebuttals? Because I don’t have to be right.
Mary (34:32.337)
Yeah, no, absolutely. Like for me and working with a lot of families, there’s this idea of like what else is happening in their world, right? Is there an emotional reactivity? Is there a way that when they when they start playing this game, they actually cut off entirely from the world? I have one family I’m working with.
and the kid will turn off his cell phone, put on noise canceling headphones, totally cut out, right? So there’s no way to give the reminders or to be a part of it. And then there’s this emotional reactivity that happens every time the game is brought up in conversation or every time there is something that gets in the way of his time to play this game. So there’s this really strong kind of…
Yeah, you can see like that anytime there’s a subtle challenge to his relationship with this game, right? That he gets very emotionally reactive. And so what we’re looking at is looking at his flexibility around, hey, it’s really hard to talk to you when you’re even, are you flexible? Can you turn your phone on and put it to where you can glance and see that one of us has texted you? Are you willing to, know, every now and then.
Paul (35:44.752)
Okay.
Mary (35:55.657)
take this off or pause the game and enter our world as well. Yeah, so I think that’s really big when looking at what’s the defining factor, right? We all know we like to get immersed in a good novel or a good movie or a series every now and then. Yeah, is there flexibility in this child’s ability to look at what part gaming has in his life?
Paul (36:27.502)
Yeah, I think that’s actually a really good point. you know, I’ll actually play like the kids side for a second, you know, in that sense of, you know, understanding how immersive it can be and how that sense of belonging can feel so important to them. Because again, there’s a sense of purpose, there’s a role, there’s an objective, there’s a sense of accomplishment.
And often, especially in these first person shooters and other platforms of gaming, there’s teams and my team’s going to be on it this time and we’re going to be practicing for this long and we need to be, I need to be on the screen for this much and being able to have that real, again, objective lens as a parent of like, wow, this is a team. This is a sport. This is like basketball practice for them. Right. And it is them sitting still.
Mary (37:17.747)
Yes.
Paul (37:20.524)
It is them staring at a screen. It is them maybe yelling at each other over a headset. And of course, those are all things to have conversations about in terms of, you know, again, things that we’ve said throughout this podcast and the previous around balance and around priorities and so forth. And just as much as you make the sacrifice to drive your kid to towns over to get them to a basketball game, there might be some interesting conversations to have for.
your own process and your co-parenting process around what does it mean to sacrifice the time with a family for this child to actually really achieve in this way that they’re really wanting to. So, you know, the idea of addiction is very much like you said, Mary, I love that term of like that mental flexibility. You know, can they actually, when they’re not with their team, show up and be a part of the family?
Robert Trout (38:03.847)
that.
Paul (38:18.293)
be a part of their community, be a part of the normal expectations of a household, of the systems that they’re engaging in, their scholastic endeavors, jobs, and having a balance in life. So when we see those things start to falter, or we see the pushback on those things, those are red flags, right? And the whole impetus of this conversation is about
Mary (38:42.057)
Yeah.
Paul (38:47.197)
having conversations is about being curious with your child is about laying the fabric and the foundation of normalizing. Hey, we need to be able to talk about this. We need to be able to address it in a way that allows all of us to feel like we’re in the understanding of the intention behind your engagement in this world. Right. So it ends up being a deep conversation and a purposeful one. So watch out for
Mary (39:05.577)
us.
Paul (39:14.186)
pushing back on it so much that you alienate your child and the games become the evil technology. Because again, they’re here. They’re here. They’re not going anywhere. And especially you’re talking about a tween or a teen, you’re trying to set them up with healthy boundaries so when they launch out of the house, they don’t just grasp at this thing and then push away all others. Because we’ve seen it happen time and time again with our families where a kid fails out of college or they lose their job.
Robert Trout (39:21.511)
Right.
Paul (39:43.555)
or as they’re trying to truly claim independence, they claim this thing that was denied them. And ultimately it becomes a big linchpin in their own version of success, in their own way of finding their balance in life. So again, a bigger conversation, a much bigger conversation than these two podcasts. And I would certainly encourage you to join our community and come and continue the conversation.
Robert Trout (40:15.719)
Well, that’s actually good closing there. As we kind of look at understanding gaming, this is a basic conversation, these last two episodes. This is just the categories that most commonly come up when parents are starting to realize the struggle. So absolutely, if you’re a parent out there and this has engaged you in like, okay, this is my world. This is what I’m dealing with. Here we go.
Paul (40:25.502)
Mm-hmm.
Robert Trout (40:41.179)
then we definitely invite you to come find us at parenttrainers.com. Join our community of parents and professionals that are working to find solutions for each individual family, because every family is different, and we can’t stress that enough. open yourself to some of these concepts. Make sure you check into the idea of what you’re doing, okay? So your engagement with your kid and their gaming is important.
and remaining curious and open in these conversations. But yeah, as always, thank you for listening. We hope you’ve enjoyed it. Please join our community and leave us suggestions for other podcast episodes that might be helpful or master classes and all the live events that we do. So thank you very much.
